An Open Discussion about Carl Jung
and Analytical Psychology

Email your comments and questions about Jung and applications of his theory to dream analysis, creativity, and other analytical topics; and I will respond to them on this page.

susann@susannmcdonald.com

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September 2011

What to say to a Child Who Frightened by a Nightmare

Nightmares can be very disturbing, not least to children. To begin the discussion, I would like to share Harry Wilmer's advice on how to respond to a child who has been frightened by a nightmare: It is good advice for adults with scary dreams, too.

Here is a quote from Harry Wilmer’s Practical Jung (231-2):

RULE OF THUMB: Nightmares, i

When a child comes to you in the night
terrified by a nightmare
do not say, “It’s only a dream. Go back to sleep.”
It may be only a dream to you,
but it is a reality to the child.
You may think you are being reassuring because
the child will probably go back to bed but
the child will think you don’t understand
and you don’t

RULE OF THUMB: Nightmares, ii.

Say to the child,
“Tell me about the nightmare.”
And listen.
Listen without interrupting.
If you don’t know what to say, read on.

RULE OF THUMB: Nightmares, iii

Say to the child some variation of
“It sure sounds (or seems) scary.
I am not surprised that you are frightened.”
(This will bolster his ego)
“But the dream is over now,”
Some “tough” parents say, “We don’t get frightened, do we?”
or “Big boys and girls don’t get scared, do they?”
They have forgotten what it was like to be little.
I’m not suggesting sentimental mollycoddling,
just the straight truth.

RULE OF THUMB: Nightmares, iv

If the child is still distressed by the dream
in the morning, ask him to tell it to you again.
It will lose its umph and crunch power
in his telling and your listening.